Anonymous No Longer

Pink Ink: “I believe the best persona to be onstage is the one that comes naturally.” – Billy Sheehan

Photo by COLoriya on Flickr

When I first started my rock band blog, I didn’t plan for it to be read by my band mates. I don’t know why I thought that, in this day and age of Google. I guess because I figured the blog will be obscure. (It’s still obscure. Anonymous, no.) And I didn’t really think I would get this far with the band.

But now I am found, thanks to Facebook.

I am not sure how I feel about it.

Sometimes, I get heart palpitations, wondering if I will or have said anything that would offend them. And I feel a little off-balanced: they know my thoughts and feelings, but I know little of theirs except for some Facebook postings and some random conversations before and after practice, which really isn’t much to go on.

As an essayist, I am always writing about things that leave me vulnerable to the world. Being honest in my public writings is my bread and butter. So I don’t feel too weird about being read, warts and all. Sometimes I shy away from no-holds-barred topics – I have learned that for my own peace of mind, I sleep on it and then post in the daylight, if I still want to – but I rarely hold back.

Of course I will be circumspect about some things. I owe my band to not smear them in public. Most days are good. Great, even. But if I have a bad day, I feel an obligation to be honest about it without resorting to badmouthing. After all, my rock band blog chronicles my real adventures, not just a boring, sanitized version of it.

I saw the movie School of Rock this past Tuesday. I’d been wanting to see it for a long time. Some of the language and crudity is deplorable – Jack Black is something else – but the children actor/musicians were terrific and I could relate to the love of rock music.

It got me thinking of how I present myself to the world.

I wear so many different hats. Wife, mother, writer, singer, LDS church member. They all have to mesh with each other, or there will be a disconnect.

I cannot picture myself dressing like some singers nowadays. Not that I am anywhere in the same league as them. But still, I will be performing in public and I will be judged based on my actions and appearance.

Do I want to be seen as a rocking party girl or a singer who is wholesome as wheat bread? (I know what my husband’s answer would be.)

I cannot get myself to dress in chains and leather. That is just not my style. Mine would be purple or pink clothes, flower in the hair. Feminine. With just a sprinkling of Attitude.

It probably doesn’t really matter, so long as I am the self I can be proud of in the morning.