Pink Think: “The only thing that seems eternal and natural in motherhood is ambivalence.” -Jane Lazarre
Recently, I got in a guilty funk, feeling torn between writing and motherhood. On one hand, I feel like I am in the groove of the novel I am working on. On the other hand, with kids out of school, I was spending too much time writing instead of spending time with them. Also, when I was not writing, I was thinking of all the things I wanted to write and feeling resentful. I knew something needed to change.
I used to pray, no, BEG, “Heavenly Father, please help me finish revising my manuscript!” I changed it to: “Please help me be a better mother. Please help me love my children.”
By no means, I am not a perfect mother, nor will I ever be, but the day I started focusing on being a better mother, my writing improved. When I was with the children, I felt happy (which I haven’t been in a long time). I played board games with my youngest and took her shopping. My oldest daughter said, in her prayers, “Thank you for the fun day with Mom.” And despite cutting back on my writing time, when I do write, the words flow easily.
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Oh, this is so touching, Jewel! Thank you for sharing this inner conflict with your blog readers.
I struggle with the same issues, too! Thanks, again. A GREAT advice.
You’re welcome! Thanks for stopping by. I hope you are enjoying your Arizona heat, because I am missing the sun here in Utah (it’s been rainy and cool on and off; hard to think it’s actually summer).
It is so hard sometimes to balance the two, especially when you are on a roll with a great story. I try to get up at six and write for a few hours so that the day is devoted to the kids. On days like today when I decide to sleep in then it is no ones fault but my own that I did not write!
Thanks for letting us know other mothers stuggle with this. Good luck!
I try to get up at six, too. Some days it’s really HARD, especially in the summer, when my brain feels like it deserves a vacation. On the other hand, I am finding that I am more productive when I only have two hours of good writing time, then if I could have the whole day while the kids are at school. How weird is that?
Jewel, you make me want to be a better mom. To heck with writing, I’m going to go play with my kids! Thanks!