Pink Think: “We’re always bombarded with images from magazines of what looks cool and sexy.” – Marilu Henner, actress
In my bedroom, beside my bed, a pile of magazines from the library clutters our floor.
Gossip and women’s magazines are my guilty pleasure, the reason I don’t mind too much if I have to wait at the doctor’s or my hairstylist’s. In the summer, when I go to the beach, there is nothing I love better than to read “People” and see who’s linked to who and how celebrities dress for parties.
Drew accompanies me to the library one day to return books and I tell him I’m getting more magazines. He gives me this look.
“What?” I say.
“You and your magazines,” he says, glancing at the “People” cover of Elizabeth Edwards and how she is coping with her husband’s infidelity. “Redbook” has sex-filled headlines but at least the model is modestly dressed compared to Cosmo or Glamour (which I had agreed with Drew long ago we wouldn’t have in our home).
“So they’re trashy,” I say, sticking my tongue out at him. “It’s harmless fun. If you want to know how Elizabeth Edwards is coping, I’m not telling.”
“That’s okay,” he assures me. “I don’t want to know.”
***
A day later, my 12-year old daughter Sierra wanders into my bedroom looking for something. She looks at the cover of “People” and crinkles her nose.
“Why do you read those magazines?” she asks me. She sounds as though she’s caught me reading a BAD book.
I shrug. “Just because.”
I feel embarrassed but I tell myself, it’s just harmless fun, isn’t it?
And then a memory comes back to me.
When I was Sierra’s age growing up in the Philippines, I usually found tabloids in our living room left by my father’s employees. Invariably a few pages into them, my eyes would pop out at the photo of a topless model, the newest rising starlet. Compared to some things I saw in mainstream magazines in the Philippines, “Cosmopolitan” is tame.
I was raised Catholic (now LDS), was taught that chastity was a virtue. So I took a black marker and colored all over the model so it looked like she was wearing an ugly black blouse. To my surprise, my father looked annoyed when he saw what I’d done.
“Next time, don’t,” he said.
I remember feeling very confused. My father was telling me through his actions: modesty is unimportant, chastity is not a virtue.
***
After a few pages of “Redbook,” I have to close the magazine, feeling filthy. Sex, sex, sex. That’s all the articles talk about. And “People” magazine, you’d think nobody in the world is faithful anymore, and immodesty is the only way to go.
I think of my sweet daughter who is trying her best to stay chaste in this immoral world. I want her to have good role models. I want her to know that I think chastity is a virtue worth living. Not just by my words, but by my actions.
I return the magazines to the library and come home empty-handed.
Follow
I’ve long felt that hypocrisy was one of the worst sins. For example, a doctor who smokes would be worse than a construction worker who does.
So, I’d consider it okay-but-not-great for a woman to read those magazines, but not so great if she’s not practicing what she’s preaching about modest thoughts.
In other words, it sounds to me like you did the right thing.
Good for you (and your daughter)!
Well there is a pandora’s box.
I do think sex is off kilter in the media. And I do disagree with the pressures for perfection that models give us. (Then again I love to watch ANTM)
But there is a balance to be a healthy strong woman in control of her power. In the past it was a choise between being the virgin or the prostitute. I think we need to teach our daughters differently.
Sounds like you are aware of that too.
Being a girl is very hard! Raising one harder, huh?
You know what, Pink? I’m giving you permission to read the tabloids. You’re obviously a very sweet person, and an adult, and I say you deserve a little guilty pleasure.
Ultimately, they’re not pornographic, and it’s not wrong to read them.
And if your daughter raises an eyebrow or gets a confused look on her face, you can point to the pictures of the burned-out starlets and say, “Pretty freaking pathetic, ain’t they? I pray to God you never waste your life like that.”
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Funny! I used to do the same thing–take a sharpie and draw a higher neckline or a longer skirt! I’m still tempted to do that.
I used to only worry about what those images and articles did to young boys, but after raising teenage girls I know it’s not only hard for them to live up to the images they see in magazines, but the content can also be harmful.
I too occasionally like to read them and like you have felt the conflict inside and decide it’s not worth it.
Kudos to you, my friend.
PW: I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination so I try hard to not judge others’ decisions (and even in that area, there’s room for improvement). But at least I have control over the stuff we bring into the house, and I will exercise that.
Q: Thanks! I just want to give her a little help, where I can.
Elizabeth: I appreciate what you are saying. The last thing I want to happen is for my children to grow up so naive that they will not have the know-how to maneuver on their own. And yes, it is hard!I know as a young girl I could have used a little more frank discussion from my mother. My hope is that whatever we choose to read or have in the house, I can help build her confidence so she can make righteous decisions for herself.
BPV: That’s actually a good point. Can’t really go around with our eyes shut in this world. And yes, I can help her distill what she is seeing – the good AND the bad.
Barb: Glad to know I’m not the only one who is conflicted. :-)Your comment made me smile. We could get together and doodle in the magazines 🙂
And Shari!:-) Thanks, pal.
Hmmm, I do like magazine too! But, my friend ditched them after she stopped caring what people thought, it was kind of cool but little does she know I still read and them and maybe I care about what people think…a little. YOur daugter sounds ca-yute!
Celeste x
Thanks Celeste.
I buy the People, too…I tell my hubby it’s my “weekly supply of trash.” But one reason I like to read it is because it’s escapism from my own life…I love my life, but sometimes it’s fun to read about something totally out there. As long as you know the difference between what you read and reality, no harm, no foul.
Thanks for stopping by my blog, by the way! I try to always visit anyone who visits me. Stop in anytime! 😉
Hi Colby, thanks for stopping by. I read to escape, too, and see the world through other people’s eyes. I especially love essays in magazines like “O”.
I used to read People all the time, in lieu of watching TV. Once my daughter got old enough to read . . . I quit buying them.
She sees enough ugly headlines in the supermarket line.
Childhood lasts such a short time . . . I work hard at preserving as much of it as I can.
A lovely post!
Great blog!
My daughter’s a teenager and is now a freshman in college and I found that People gave us a neutral way to discuss our values. We could discuss the stories and what we thought about them and I was always relieved that we agreed on so much. I think that a teenaged girl, particularly one living in New York, is exposed to so much that it’s better to confront it head on.
Elise: Thanks for the visit.
*Childhood lasts such a short time . . . I work hard at preserving as much of it as I can.*
I love that thought and feel the same way.
Susan: Hello! (Glad the comment buttons worked this time 🙂 That’s great that you and your daughter have a way to communicate.
As my daughter gets older, she and I seem to have more and more things in common and enjoy each other’s company. I hope, like you, I can say the same when she goes on to college.
I think you misunderstood my first comment.
I merely meant that I think hypocricy is far worse than immodesty (and several other things, too).
Read the magazines if you want; but don’t do a double-standard like what you said your father did (as in, it’s okay for me to look, but you’re not supposed to notice these).
I’ve always wondered, though, why magazines that are geared toward women tend to show pics of half-clad, beautiful women. I mean, if it is more common for a woman to be hetersexual than lesbian, then wouldn’t it make sense to have more pics of half-naked, gorgeous guys in them?
When I was doing my MSc in Scotland, one of my kitchenmates used to leave Cosmopolitan lying around all the time. I’d sometimes leaf through while I ate if I needed a break from studying. And 95% of the sexy pics were of women! I thought that was rather weird.
Of course, it does make it so I really have next to no interest in reading the mags. For me, it’s not very tempting to gaze at other women….
*Read the magazines if you want; but don’t do a double-standard like what you said your father did (as in, it’s okay for me to look, but you’re not supposed to notice these).*
Yeah, I think I got that the first time :-). I agree.
As for using women in Cosmo, my guess is it probably is an attempt to associate products with what society views as being “attractive” in a woman.
I grew up the same way and hope that I am instilling some modesty in my girls even at a young age 🙂 Thanks for visiting my blog!
Pink Ink, Great post. You make some very valid points. Since I write so much on politics, history, religion and am inundated at all times by the news, I have to admit to reading People in the doctor’s office. I won’t waste my money on it, but if it’s on somebody’s table I will pick it up. Sadly, I don’t really enjoy it anymore, for all the reasons you said and the liberal bent is insane. So, maybe I’ll just keep a book in my purse, along with the notebook and my laptop which I use to keep writing (my books, as my main job is published author) no matter where I am. I’m tired.
Anyway, that’s neither here nor there. I loved this so much I posted it over on Mormon Bloggers Speak Out. It’ll go live tomorrow and refer people back to your blog as well. Thanks for being so awesome and giving me the heads up.
new*me: Thanks for visiting. I agree, we have to start early on. Good for you.
Candace: I’m amazed how much you seem to accomplish. You deserve to be tired once in a while 🙂
Thanks so much for sharing this post with your readers!
This blog post of yours really hit home with me. People magazine has always been a guilty pleasure of mine. I’ve had a subscription, even, for the past 2 years. It ended in July and I did NOT renew it. Why? A couple of issues ago there was a “centerfold” of Mario Lopez in the nude, airbrushed in certain places. Don’t know if you saw that issue or not….. Anyway, I was sitting in my living room (near the painting of Christ hanging on my wall) and realized I’d be so embarassed if my girls flipped through the magazine and saw that. I tossed it into the garbage and haven’t missed the magazine at all.
Awesome blog you have going on here. I’m going to link to it form mine if you don’t mind:
Spaldam’s Rants
Tammy: Like you, there’s a lot of things I have to re-think now that I have a pre-teen. 🙂
sjhollist: Thanks!
I love the new look, Pink Ink!
Thanks Serena :-).
WAY TO GO!!! you returned those magazines!!!! woo hooo!!!
this was really a great post and i am glad you commented on my blog so i would find yours!!!! 🙂
this is exactly the thing that has been plagueing my mind for a while now. GREAT POST and GREAT ENDING!!!!
Merrianne: Thanks for saying hello! Glad this post meant something to you. 🙂
Good for you. I always say that kids will do what we do not what we say.
Hi Rebecca, thanks for stopping by. Yes, for all the hair-pulling and stresses as a mom, my kids make me a better person. 🙂
I used to subscribe to Vogue and a couple of others. Now that I have a house full of kids, they aren’t so important anymore.
Heather: I like to look Vogue-like sometimes, but if I can just look half-decent, I’ll settle for that!