Pink Think: “Mothers and daughters can stay very connected during teenage years.” – Holly Hunter, actress
Folks, I have a teenager. My oldest daughter Sierra turns thirteen today.
For some reason, I keep thinking: “In two years, she’ll be driving!” I can’t wrap my mind around that.
***
I remember distinctly, when Sierra was three and throwing a tantrum , I had this sinking feeling I’d never see her through to teenagehood without major loss of life and limb.
I never thought I’d be looking forward to this day. I thought having a teenager meant having a grouchy and moody person around who talks back, and who would perplex and drive me to tears.
Well, um, yes. We have those days.
***
And then again we have days when she actually confides in me; when she and I laugh and talk after school, before the younger ones come home; when she gives me a Kleenex and a gentle pat on the back after a specially hard day.
The older she gets, the more I am amazed that I can be good friends with a teenage daughter. She borrows my clothes now. I’m honored she thinks I have good taste.
Of course my husband says, the worst ain’t over yet.
I’ll take it one day at a time.
***
For now I’ll focus on the positive. Since most of you were just barely in your teens :-), what are some good things that you like or liked about BEING a teenager?
For me it’s sleeping in on weekends and eating chocolate chip cookies and soda for lunch without visible consequences.
Follow
The whole no financial responsibilities… yeah, that was nice. Being able to call up a friend and just GO, that was nice too.
I know those teenage days for my daughters – though still several years away – will be here before I’m ready. I try to relish these young years as best I can.
Well, the aspect I remember most fondly is the freedom from responsibility – at least, responsibility as I know it today. But what sticks out most from my teen years is how self-conscious I was. If I could go back, I’d change how much I cared about what other people thought – and I’d just be me, no explanations.
my teenage years….hmm, i like being able to call up my friends. i like procrastinating on ALL school assignments. i know that there will always be time to do them later.
I like my youth. im graduating this year – the end of 13 years in school, i started school at 5 and end it at 17. The sad thing is, you look back and realize how stupid you were. i look back at my 8th grade yearbook and wonder why the heck i did some of the things i did. but i guess its just innocence. maybe growing up is not getting older, but losing your innocence….
id say the best thing i like about being a teenager is being an obnoxious person ^.~ because in the real world – id be fired!
I’m with heather on this one…No financial responsibilities. Have a great weekend! Thanks for the book suggestion too!
I think this post is scaring me to death. I am a father of a 12-year old sweet girl, and she is now very excited to wear a baby bra. She will be on high school next year, and boys are now starting to notice my darling angel.
Anyway, that’s the way it is and I am preparing so hard when the time comes.
By the way, my teenage life was very hard as I did not even feel that I have been one. I start earning a living at the age of 10 due to severe poverty, and stopped high school for 3 consecutive years in exchange of a more tough jobs like no teenager should do.
But that was history, I learned a lot from it and I think my only regret is I have now a mild scoliosis, in which according to the doctors is probably due to carrying heavy things I was not capable of.
I am not proud to say that I grew up in a very poor family, but I am sharing it to the world (on the About Me page on my WP blog) to serve as an inspiration, that poverty is never a hindrance to reach a goal.
Sorry for the long comment. I could not help but be generous.
Thanks,
Angel Cuala
aka Guardian Angel
Well, you know I am relating to this. Mitchell just turned 14. I am amazed at the man he is becoming. It is different seeing him not as a child.
That is great that you have that bond. Cherish it…don’t let it go. I hear all the tales of the “big mood swings”…oh boy, I can’t wait.
I miss the freedom of my youth. As my children are getting older, I am getting that back. I miss just hanging out. Laughter that never had to end. Eating what I wanted. Just the simplicity of it all. I don’t believe I would want to go back to youth. They do have so many pressures now.
Heather & BCG: Not having to balance the checkbook, too! :-)(although my husband does the balancing, who am I to complain?) No playdates planned weeks ahead, that’s for sure.
Janna: Enjoy them!
JN: Love seeing your perspective.
Guardian Angel: Thanks so much for your comment. I read your About Me page and I was moved to tears. That is so great that instead of bitterness, you are turning your experience to help others.
Tammy: *I miss just hanging out. Laughter that never had to end.* Loved this, too.
My daughter is 19. And a half.
But I’ll stay positive. ;o)
You’re right about talking and laughing after school. One of the best things you can do for your relationship is to be near and available when your daughter (or son) walks in after school. This is the time of the day they are most likely to unburden whatever is on their mind. The emotions from the schoolday are still fresh and those thoughts are uppermost in their minds. Later, if you ask, they’ll just say things like: “Fine.” “Nothing much.”
The best strategy is to be doing busy work in the kitchen or living room or whatever when they walk in the door. It’s easier to confide in someone who isn’t trying to lock you into eye contact and who isn’t busy concentrating on something engrossing.
If I had my life to do over, that’s one of the things I would do a lot more often.
Being that I am not on my 6th teenager, boy can I relate to this… mood swings. Hormones…got to love ’em. I’ll stay postitive! 🙂
I miss hanging out with my friends whenever, eating chips and ice cream sandwiches for lunch and not gaining 5 pounds, and dancing. Yep, those were the days.
Teens can do crazy things and people will just sigh and say, “Oh, it’s just because they’re young.”
Teen-ager mommyhood —welcome to the club! It’s not the easiest road, but you seem to be they type that’s a loving Momma. Teen-agers will be teen-agers, but now and again the people that we love come out from behind the hormonal alien that suddenly took over their bodies:-) And they know they’re loved and that is an anchor for them in their search for identity.
I miss the care-free, no responsibility life of a teen ager when everything was all about ME, ME, ME! 🙂
What I like about being a teenager is that my parents are trusting me more and more. Plus I like hanging out with my friends without having to worry about things that need to be done. 🙂 hehehe Plus eating junk food and I can just work it off the next day just by playing. It has really no side effect either like Jewel said in her post. 🙂
I have a twelve-year-old and your post sounded just like us. I love it almost all the time. 🙂
As for my teen years, I hated them, but my situation, too was unique and I wasn’t given the opportunity to live a ‘normal’ life. I guess that’s what makes watching my kids grow up so rewarding. I get to see, in them, something (or someone) I never got to be. And the best part, I get to be the mom I never had.
Ok…it was only yesterday when I realized that there was a different species, which was really interesting. I started hanging out, going to parties. I enjoyed more freedom than ever before. I studied hard but I played hard too. Yup…and they were not all that long ago…LOL!!
I loved being able to stay out at all hours of the night on the weekend, and eating at wierd hours of the day (2a did pop up a lot as a time to eat a pre-breakfast breakfast).
Ah the joys of a misspent youth.
Gonna make sure that my son doesn’t do like dear old dad did.
Janet: My favorite place in the afternoon when the kids come home is the kitchen.
CJ: I loved dances, too!
Q: And then we have our second teenagehood when we just don’t care what people think (even though they think we are crazy) and being young is not even an excuse 🙂
Marivic: *they know they’re loved and that is an anchor for them in their search for identity* Very true!
Laurel: *my parents are trusting me more and more* Well, you’re a great kid, I see why they would:-).
Serena: There are a lot of things that I am grateful for every day that my kids can enjoy, that I didn’t. That’s great that you are trying to give them a better experience.
Evelyn: *they were not all that long ago* Yeah, you look it, too. 🙂
Georgie: I knew I was out of teenagehood when I couldn’t wait until midnight on New Year’s Eve so I could go to bed 🙂
I find it so amazing that they get older right before my eyes and I stay the same.
I also can relate to my own mother so much more. It is so odd being on the other side of the fence.
When I was young I always thought one day I would sleep in the master bedroom with my husband and have little kids.
Motherhood is sooooo trippy!
I had a whole ‘nother set of priorities as a teenager. I didn’t think about money problems or old age or personal safety. Instead I worried about the rapture (yes, seriously, I was very religious back then) and whether I would get married some day (hopefully before the rapture). I decided I would like to have four children – three girls and a boy – and I picked out their names.
What on earth was I thinking back then?
Hi, Pink,
Congratulations, and you have my sympathy – as the mother of 17 and 20 year old girls. I’m not generally one to say “come see what I wrote,” but please, come see what I wrote today!
Best,
Rita
I’m so glad it’s going well, it gives me hope.
Lack of responsibility, hands down.
Happy Birthday to your daughter!
My oldest daughter will turn 13 in December. I wonder how different it will be haivng a teenage daughter than it is having a teenage son.
Anyways I just wanted to stop by and tell you congrats on being one of SITS’s SAUCY BLOGS this week.
I just read your blogs. And you are one saucy dame. Clogging, kids, NaNoWriMo, Spelling! Some great things there spilling out of your head. Keep writing. Love to hear how daily life really is the life we are achieving to live.
cute blog! congrats on being SAUCY!
Congrats on being Saucy this week!
Congrats on being SAUCY!!!
Oh, a teenager in the home….those days for my girls were like a giant roller coaster!! There were days that were just great so sweet, then the next would be the devil child from hell! It started at 14 and didn’t end until just before they turned 17.
But, our relationship was strong through it all. It’s just hard being young with all the changes you and your body go through. Keep that communication open…I think having a “friendship” with your children is extremely important!
I’m just entering teenage years — My son just turned 13 in Jan.
Congrats on being saucy! Much Love
Anissa
I guess you could say it is the no financial responsibilities, but I will define it as, “going roller skating everyday of the week and thinking there was nothing better than going roller skating everyday of the week.” LOL
Congrats on being a saucy blog on SITS.
I’d have to say the thing I miss most was the unabashed optimism for what I could be, and what the world could be…I’m the Mom of a sixteen year old and it’s one of the things I’m enjoying through her eyes right now.
Welcome to SITS! Great blog
-Meaghan
My daughter told me when she was 7 years old that she didn’t really want me to know her deepest, darkest secrets. I burst out crying and told her my mom was one of my best friends in high school and I was hoping for the same with her.
She is 11 now and tells me everything. She didn’t know what she was talking about then, she says! Let’s hope she still feels this way in a few more years.
My favorite things about being a teenager is the No Responsibility part! Sleep overs, adventures with friends and new crushes.
Welcome to SITS!
My daughter is 6 going on 16 and the thought of her teenage years scare the livin’ daylights outa me! Thanks for the inspiration–I’m hopeful that maybe she won’t hate me completely! And my favorite thing about being a teenager? The luxury of being so idealistic and thinking that I really was, truly, invincible. (I didn’t do anything crazy, but oh! the confidence!)
Congratulations on your SITS feature today:-)
I have a teenage daughter and she is a parents’ dream. She gets good grades, has a lot of friends and she still confides in me and actually asks for my advice! Whatever I did right, I want to do again with my preschooler:-)
Congrats on being Saucy!!
My teenage years? Totally miss that whole freedom from responsibility thing too. Of course, I totally didn’t realize it then. Everything was unfair or something like that. I didn’t realize how easy I had it. LOL
I don’t miss the fashion victim that I was at 13-18. Wow. Just wow.
I do miss my 18 year old body though. That makes me really sad to think about.
I turn 18 in a few weeks, for now though I am enjoying:
Not paying rent
Having my food paid for (sometimes)
Not paying for electricity, basically not having that many financial responsibilities.
I also love that I can spend the whole day sleeping if I wanted too.
13 and 14 were the best years of my life (So far), tell your daughter to enjoy them!
I just became the mother of a teenage daughter back in July. So far, so good. Good luck to you.
When I was a teen I liked when people listened to and respected my opinions. I wasn’t always right, obviously I had a lot to learn, but if people would take me seriously I really responded to that and respected them in return.
Love your site. Congrats on being Saucy this week!!!
Elizabeth: Yeah, it’s real interesting when my daughter confides in me like I wish I could have with my mother. It’s like second chances for me!
Marian: When you are a teen, you think you are invincible.
Fun poem, Rita. Was that true??
Alison: The thing that sustains me to this day is the fact the me parents survived ME. 🙂
Marla: Cute blog name! It’s fun to experience both sides of the genders. I have a 10 year old son, too.
Lynette, April, BCG: Thanks!
Keeper: It’s fun to be able to have girl talk with my daughter, for sure 🙂
Queen Bee: Good luck!
Debbie: That’s funny. Teens can get so one-track minded…
Natalie: Great way to look at it. There’s so many wonderful things in store for your daughter, aren’t there?
Sleep deprived: Funny name and Thanks for stopping by!
April: Cute!! How wonderful for you that she changed her mind 🙂
Meaghan: *crushes* Of course! How could I forget!
Jori: Take a deep breath…I’m sure you guys will be just fine 🙂
Susie: Yay for you!
Ashley: *I don’t miss the fashion victim that I was at 13-18* Funny! One thing I love about my age now is that I can afford better clothes than I could at that age. Well, at least I don’t have to ask my mother for money to buy clothes :-).
Kelsey: Thanks for your comment! I have heard so many horror stories of that age being a hard time, I was preparing for the worst. I’ll pass on your words to my daughter.
Melodie: Thanks!
TMI: Yes, and isn’t respect appreciated at ANY age?? 🙂
TMI:
oh to be 13 again… that would mean I would have both of my parents around… I miss them so much. You dont know how much you love your parents until they are gone.
To be carefree, to not worry about grocery shopping and budgeting, or doing the dishes,
just laying under the apple tree reading my favorite books with my best friend… what a life.
Anon: *You dont know how much you love your parents until they are gone* So true! Now that my parents are getting up there in years, I’m glad we have a better relationship now than we used to.
My teenager is just about old enough to leave home. My hubby and I keep reminding ourselves she is in “That” year and will grow out of it. I also try to tell myself that God or nature one gives us this year so we will grieve less on them leaving. She is a wonderful kid. I love her to pieces. I just don’t remember the bridge to adulthood being a swinging one with this much wind.
My fav about being a teen was all of the friends. Most of my lasting friends I actually didn’t meet until I was in college, but it seemed like when I was a teen there was always someone to spend time with. I guess it was the whole lack of responsibility. Once everyone started getting jobs, those times became fewer and farther between as the years went by. P.S. I love your blog. Glad the SITStas pointed me in your direction!
Hi Laurel, thanks for stopping by.
*I just don’t remember the bridge to adulthood being a swinging one with this much wind.*
Hang in there. I remember being at odds with my mother at that age, and then again later with my parents in my early married years. We need to hold on to the good, don’t we, even though there are some challenges.
Keep up the good work. If you can give your unconditional love, they know they always have you to come home to, and that’ll go a long way to building your relationship.
Stopped at your blog, and I really enjoyed your post about just giving your kids attention, and not just “let’s read one book”. Very true!
My oldest turned 14 this year and is a freshman in high school. I am hoping that teenage boys aren’t nearly as dramatic as teenage girls, but I’m sure there’s a catch in there yet. Luckily I have two more to turn into teenagers before my youngest, and only girl, becomes one. Something tells me that I won’t be the slightest bit prepared for a teenage daughter. Have fun with yours!
Teenage years were not that great for me, but shopping comes to mind:) Going to the mall, eating at Big Boy… I have 2 teen boys, 14 and 15. It’s frightening but yet fun!
My 4 year old is so spoiled. She cries about everything. My husband and I are so scared about her teenage future. Although I already have two teens, they weren’t this ornery at that young age. Although, I will say that when they get their period, I would rather not be around for that week!
Jennifer: I thought I wouldn’t, too, but in some ways, it’s easier because I try to think of how I felt as a teenage girl. Although mostly it comes down to learning to listen to her first without knee-jerk reacting. I’m still trying to get that one down. 🙂
Brenda Jean: I loved shopping for stationery with my friends.
Wheresmyangels: I remember four being a hard age. 🙂
Hi, Jewel!
I finally finished the roundup for PPBC9
http://www.tsinay.com/2008/10/ppbc-9-birthdays.html
It’s way overdue…and I’m so sorry for that 🙁
Joey